Is this the road I should take?
Background Information
This blog post is raw. This blog post is long. Thank you in advance for reading :)
Right off the bat something to know about me: I write a lot, I talk a lot and I have tons of thoughts often. Maybe I should do a video one day? In college I majored in Communication Studies. At the time my career aspiration was to become a journalist. I got pretty far in that field but I will leave that story for another blog post. Writing has always been therapeutic for me and it is really the best way I am able to articulate myself. I often get tongue tied and what I want to say does not always come out so eloquently. Writing allows me to process my thoughts and get to the root of what I am trying to articulate. Here is my write up regarding my thoughts on if this is the road I should travel. The road of working in the fitness industry as a personal trainer.
So what’s going on?
I feel vulnerable. I feel naked. I feel uncomfortable. I feel not adequate at times. I am feeling all the feels.
This is the year of questioning myself and the year of being uncomfortable. I always believe in action. Not whining and complaining. As Gary Vee often says go on the offense. This is my year of the offense.
My passion of wanting to become a personal trainer turned from a dream to reality so to speak (Read more about that here: https://www.jessacjamesfitness.com/blog/becomingacpt And the reality is hard and a HUGE slap in the face.
I am not a pessimist. I am an optimist through and through even when I have experienced earth shattering circumstances.
I keep saying two things teeter-tottering to myself simultaneously. Jess this is not for you, you cannot possibly train anyone, walk away from personal training. You will always be the student and not the trainer. The other thing I say is Jess remember you are starting from the bottom, you wanted this, this will not be easy, practice everyday, you will develop and learn, do not give up, no one ever starts with the path fully developed.
Things I Figured Out
Working out for yourself, focusing on your own health and wellness, it is a stark 180 degrees from helping others do so for themselves. When wanting to work in the fitness industry it is typically because you get this bug, this full on passion. You work on your own transformation, you feel amazing, confident, like a whole new person and all you want to do is help others achieve their best.
Over these past two years I have learned and accomplished the following:
Was able to train again after my injury. I have not sustained any further injuries since. Safety first.
Post physical therapy & having a personal trainer I lost 39 pounds. (Pre personal trainer I lost 47 pounds. Total of 86 pounds lost since 2011).
Went through a caloric deficit for a year. Then did a reverse diet. I have now maintained my weight for almost a full year.
Have managed to get my protein intake above 100g for more than 30 days.
Have had active rest weeks included in my workout regimen.
Figured out the art of macros and MyFitnessPal.
I can modify most exercises due to my herniated disc thanks to being in physical therapy.
Understand what it is like to include cardio in a workout regimen and also not include it.
Passed the NASM test.
I can do chin ups!
Lifted 165 pounds!
You start to figure this stuff out. You start to feel confident then boom something happens. It’s like these two years were my 1st and 2nd years in college. I am now in my third year of college and I got hit with a ton of bricks. I have been COMFORTABLE. Now this year I have been working on the mind and muscle connection. Never had to think about that before. Hinging at the hips is not as easy as I thought. I take awhile to set up, I overthink. Traditional cues do not always work for me which is fine. I understand I need visuals, I need repetition. Then the aha moment comes.
BUT guess what I know with time, practice and hard work, I will get better and improve in all of these areas. Clients view us as trainers as being the poster people for fitness. That we may have not had similar thoughts and experiences. Yes we have and do. We stand tall and keep walking the road less traveled. I am going to make it absolutely. There is no other option I will allow.
Pushing myself
As 2019 was approaching I knew deep down I needed to change things up. I had to stop being comfortable.
So what did I do? Well, I started training w/ Abel since end of January once a week. You may think, Jess, so you work with another trainer, that’s the answer? Well, this is my FIRST time working out in a gym, legit. I have only used a gym for cardio purposes. I am learning it all. I have never deadlifted, did lat pull downs, face pulls, all of it. This is a whole new world for me. I have been so incredibly uncomfortable since January. I needed to get out of the comfort of working out at home and force myself to workout in a gym with people. I needed to learn how to use machines. I need to learn all these foundation movements. How can I help clients if I do not know what I am doing? I can read about it but if I can’t do it and understand it how can I help others.
I am going to not have an online personal trainer as of August. I am parting ways with my trainer Susan. Why? I am comfortable. Why am I paying for a trainer when I can create my own programs for myself? I need to experiment. Her and I are on great terms. She agrees its time for me to spread my wings. I am scared. Genuinely scared. I out of my comfort zone. I know that I need to do this. The training wheels are off.
I got my first chin up!! Ahhh!!!
Okay my history with chin ups. I always wanted to try this. It just seemed like to me the epitome of strength and physical fitness. I tried this on my own at home last May 2018. I bought the bar, the straps, my trainer Susan put into my plan. What happened? I tried it and it was hard. I got scared. I got DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness) so bad, my arms were bent and I couldn’t straighten them for a week. I just said I can’t do this. I need help in person.
Almost a year to the day. I got my first chin up. Abel and I did this. His enthusiasm and pride he has had for me this week (first chin up Tues) and then (two chin ups in a row on Sat) is priceless. We worked on this every week since end of January. Every week. 4 months exactly.
This was a way I stepped outside of my comfort zone. I did not want to not do this because I got scared at home trying it. So boom I got done in 2019.
Now we are working on these deadlifts. This will happen. It will happen. Patience grasshopper.
What is my action plan?
I have a lot of time off this summer from work. I want to shadow/intern for a trainer for free. I want to get a p/t job training clients at a gym. I have to practice in person. I have my amazing online clients who are crushing it (yes I am taking clients see my contact page here: https://www.jessacjamesfitness.com/contact ) but I need to also do this in person. I am going to create/design my own workout programs for myself. How will clients trust me with their journeys, if I cannot display that I can trust myself with my own journey. One of my identities for so many years is being the student. I will start to transition my home workouts to full on gym workouts. I have been studying compound and mobility movements. I have been studying an array of areas. I have always been a thinker. BUT this year I have never thought so much. I am reading all the time, writing, applying theory to practice, asking questions, I am all the way in. I LOVE IT.
Am I the only one?
I do not know if any other trainers have felt this way. I am going to assume so. Everyone starts from the bottom as Drake says. Folks just do not openly discuss it, I am assuming because it could signify a form of weakness, vulnerability, client mistrust, etc. I am not ashamed to share these thoughts. I think to myself a year from now Jess, when you read this blog, you will say girl, you were feeling like this, everything turned out okay. Why were you so stressed out? Ha ha.
Conclusion
Everything will be just fine. I work hard. I will not give up. I am not a quitter. I believe in me. There is no way I will walk away. I just wanted to be real and be deep. Why don’t we discuss what scares us? This is my raw account of how my year of the offense is going. I am so glad that I took this leap of faith. No regrets. To be able to share my love for health and wellness everyday is pure love and sunshine. I hope that sharing my personal experience can aide in your own personal journeys.
If you have any questions, comments and/or want to discuss further please contact me. I would love to chat.
xoxoxo,
Jess
“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one- Dolly Parton ”
