Life
I am a thinker. Guilty as charged. This can be a blessing and a curse. The video I shared in this post reflects recently how my brain has been processing life in a back and forth motion. I am actually performing a seated cable row with a neutral grip for form practice. I film all my Tuesday workouts thanks to my cheerleader Abel and we both review every week.
My thoughts regarding life always become deeper during this time of year. My dad’s 5 year anniversary is next month, October 30th. I cannot believe he passed away 5yrs ago. I got really sad last week because the memories of engaging with him and spending time with Dad do not feel as real anymore. Meaning they do not feel as if they were yesterday. They feel like memories and that is new for me. I do not know what to do with these feelings just yet.
I keep thinking, is this it? This is how my life is suppose to be? Is this my grind? The 9-5 and the side hustle. The side hustle needs to become the reality and not the dream. The world, the people in my life, everything seems to be moving at such a fast pace and I feel as though I am just standing still. At then at times I feel like the world is just throwing so many hurdles my way. Do I do deserve to be happy? Do I really deserve genuine happiness? Why am I so guarded? Why am I so serious? Why don’t I ever really rest my mind and body? Do I bring value to others in my life?
This ice box/robot heart of mine has been trying little by little every year. I use to be more in tune with my emotions way back when. Now guilty as charged, I bottle it up, do not share with anyone (I have the attitude of I do not want to burden anyone/figure it out Jess) and just keep to myself.
On the flip side the way I process and handle stress compared to the younger Jess is such a vast improvement, I am proud of how I have grown in that area.
I always want more and do not sit still and know in my heart of hearts that, no this is not it. I want so much more out of life and I will continue to work towards that goal until it happens. Then once I reach that, I’ll probably want more and work towards the next goal. BUT I cannot help to think like this from from time to time. I am human right?
Someone close to me told me that “I am stronger than I think”. I needed to hear that and I keep reminding myself that everyday. 2019 has been good to me.
Genuinely everyday I wake up and I am always so happy that I woke up to have an opportunity to have another day on earth. Then I try to live my day the best way that I can. For me, I think, would I be able to sleep well knowing that I gave it my all today? If today was my last day on earth, would this day be the best I could have had? These thoughts motivate me everyday.
Also I love doing for others and I mindfully let my folks know all the time that they matter to me. If you are in my circle you know this to be true! Whether it be a check in text or voice message. Surprises like making a dish or bringing a neighbor a thank you gift, etc. I am big on this because the most joy I receive in life is helping others and seeing them happy. The feeling I get from that is like no other.
I just finished listening to an audible book “Rise and Grind” by Daymond John. He ended the book with the following quote by Mark Twain, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why”. This was so powerful especially when you hear how Daymond found out why he was born. I love birthdays. That is my favorite time of the year and my favorite holiday. I do not believe I have found out why I was born yet but I am sure looking forward to finding out why as I continue my journey around the sun.
If you read this blog. I thank you. Till next time.
xoxoxo,
Jess
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why”
